Singing Words

Hello! Time rushes by, but I try and live it out. ACT, college duel enrolment class, and trunk or treat! But right now, I want to just post some of the poetry that I wrote last month. Something got into me and I just wrote poetry in my journal for a while. I never considered myself a poet, as I prefer writing stories in novel form, but looking back at my writing life, I see poetry scattered everywhere.

I often use poetry to praise God, which makes me think hard about who God is (as I need to find a word that rhymes with bold or glory). I hope you enjoy these little pieces of art that came out of me! And I hope that they inspire you to follow your creative side, exploring new things and old things alike! 

Smelling Roses 

Why do we need to smell the roses? 
Who ever made that up? 
What does a rose do to bring us money? 
How could it ever help? 
Maybe we don't need to smell the roses,
But still if you bend down low,
You'll see why you'd want to smell the roses, 
For when you do, life seems to slow. 

Note: I actually have stopped and smelled the roses many times. You should try it; they smell nice!) 

Hot Showers 

The warmth seeps through, 
colliding with cold 
Running through all, 
comforting, bold
It rains on the ice,
melting the core
It washes out chills,
until you want more
The temperature rises,
relaxing your day
You don't want to leave,
you just want to stay
You stay one moment longer,
but then you must go
And all of the fire 
will soon turn to snow

Floating Leaves

Something stirs in each of us, then cool weather starts to fall. 
It makes us want to touch the sky and land in a leaf pile. 
All of a sudden hopes spring up and our souls just churn away
In the joys of autumn breezes, knowing a change will come our way. 

Puddles

I find it rebellious,
to walk in the rain.
For now people avoid it, 
though it doesn't cause pain, 
We're spoiled on umbrellas,
which ruin the fun.
I'll learn to walk in the rain, 
and the dance and then run. 

Note: It poured rain this day, and the wetness drenched me on my way to my car from class. But I experienced a new-found freedom of walking in the rain. 

The Ballet

Something about watching ballet
makes me sit up a little taller. 
Something about watching ballet
makes my feet point inside their shoes. 
And when I come home from watching ballet 
and I encounter a flight of stairs, 
Just watch as I climb them gracefully, 
trading my jeans for a tutu and flats for pointe shoes. 

Note: I watched Royal Ballet do Manon this day. So exquisite! 

Odd Silence

/looking at nothing
where something used to be. 
/missing someone
I didn't even know. 
/feeling an absence 
I never knew was full
/an odd sort of silence
which was never very loud

Note: I wrote this poem in honor of our last gerbil who died. I hadn't played with the gerbils much since the first pair we adopted, but my head still instinctively turns to look at the empty cage in the bathroom. 

At the Cross

You are God
You are King
You are worthy of everything


So here's my heart 
You've made it new
In every moment, help me to follow You!

Have a lovely day, and make something new, be it a poem, dessert, or hairstyle. God's given us creativity, so let's be creative!

Hannah

To-Doism

So.... It's kinda been a while. But you know what? I don't come here ashamed or regretful that I've abandoned you all summer. Rather I feel excited about telling you all of the exciting things that you missed while I was away!

Let me think... I went to High School Camp and worshiped God. I celebrated my birthday and my sister's birthday. I trained at Texas Ballet Theater for three weeks. I relaxed and worked and laughed and cried. I did a lot of ballet. I painted my room. We had parties and BBQ and kitties and Merlin. Yes, I would call this summer a very good summer!

And then the rhythm of school began. School. Duel Enrolment classes at a local college. Committees and such I participate in. Ballet. I now teach two ballet/tap classes by myself! I like and benefit from all of these things, but lately I just get stuck in the regular schedules of life and the piling amount of it that I forget to enjoy the moments. I forget to breathe. I forget to laugh. I forget to let go of my schedule a bit and take in what's around me.

I call this, to-doism.

/to-doism/ (pronounced to-do-ism) 1. the act of keeping one's eyes focused on a schedule so that one misses out on the joys of life. 2. trying to get everything done in a timely manner. 3. commonly called stress. 

To-doism sneaks up on you. I takes you by surprise, because at first it appears necessary and good. After all, you have to get everything done, so why not plan the day to make sure everything fits? Schedules and lists and calculations help, right? Alarms, measurements, speed, quality, ratios, proportions. Tasks, Bible time, cleaning, school, prayer, family. Good things. Good ideas. But it lacks something.

Yes. Getting everything done and using lists and such to help is good. And for some people, these practices won't lead to to-doism. But for me and my sensitive, gentle, perfectionist spirit, a lifestyle of schedules leads to to-doism. And it isn't pretty.

To-doism leads to stretched, tired, stressed, inadequate feelings that scream rest and work at the same time and lead you towards neither.  To-doism puts all of the emphasis on you and what you can and cannot do. It gives merit and punishment, but never grace. It over-exaggerates and makes everything more dramatic. It focuses on the temporary, day-to-day things instead of heavenly joys. It keeps your eyes on you feet while a beautiful sunset fans out ahead.

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Don't believes the lies of to-doism. Don't fall into its' trap. Don't let to-doism steal your joy.

Instead, follow grace with passion. Follow God with love. Hold your schedules in open hands. Know that today will pass away, but we have eternity before us. And when you follow Jesus, this eternity is bliss.

I don't suggest that you throw your hands up in the air and watch Netflix all day. I don't suggest that you abandon all lists and schedules. But I do suggest living. Really, truly living. Letting life interrupt your plans sometimes. Resting when you need rest. Laughing at every opportunity. Valuing eternity over temporary. Working with joy. Resting with joy. Giving grace to others. Giving grace to yourself. Because God has given your grace.

Whatever you face and whatever your schedule, I invite you and give you permission to rest in God's grace. To pause for a moment. To laugh. To pray. To relax. Because the truth is, the things-to-do will never end. Life will never stop demanding things of us. But how we respond to Life's demands will change our lives. Will we try to control everything by following to-doism? Or will we live in joy and grace as we go about our tasks, enjoy the moments in-between?

Today, and every day, I want to choose grace. I do not want to let to-doism take away any more of the joy that my Father has given me! So let the world bring on its' tasks and business. I have the God of all on my side! And with Him, I can do anything, even take a step back to rest.

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Choose joy with me!

Hannah

The Princess Life

"Lord, You are the King, and You are also my Father. This makes me Your Princess. Help me to always remember who I am today and to act like Your Princess, wearing the invisible crown of Grace on my head."

I have been praying this prayer, or similar prayer, every morning for a while now. I find it crucial that I remind myself who God is and who I am in Him. Everything about my life rests on those two foundations, and so I remind myself that I am a Princess, but not just any princess, God's Princess.

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What would my day look like if I lived knowing that I am a Princess? Would I let insecurity creep in and steal my joy? Would I let anger or frustration ruin the precious moments of each hour? Would I lower my head and not think and create and dance, but get caught in the mundane of life? Would I complain about the training I go through (aka, school)? I don't think that God's Princess would do those things. So that is why I pray to God to keep me focused on Him and secure in my identity.

The Princess life captures my imagination, it always has, it always will. The idea of balls, princes, and glass slippers makes me smile.I have always wanted to be a princess, to live that adventure, to find my Prince Charming and fall in love. But I left those dreams in Disney movies. They couldn't be real, not for me. I know that Mia Thermopolis found out that her Grandmother ruled an obscure European country, but not very many Mia's live in this world.  Not very many princess live in this world.

Or so I thought.

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" (1 John 3:1a) God is not only our Father, he is "the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords" (1 Timothy 6:15b) That means that every woman of God is a Princess. Every woman of God wear His clothes, which are better than anything that world has to offer (to learn more about the clothes of God's Princess, see my previous post, here) God gives His Princesses a much more exciting and wonderful story than that of even Frozen. He gives us a more complete and perfect love through the cross, a sacrificial love that beats all other love stories. What more could we want?

So, daughters of God, live like Princesses.Wear the crown of Grace on your heads. Never forget who you are. Never forget who God is. And act like God's Princess. That will change everything. That is where we find true beauty and joy.

You are a Princess.

Say it out loud.Tell everyone you know! We are His Princesses! We are His Princesses!

This makes me so happy!

Hannah Princess Hannah

No Condemnation

Last night I realized that there may be something in my life that the Holy Spirit wanted to change. The church-y word for this is conviction. I felt convicted over my self-centeredness.

My natural response to conviction is condemnation. Now, I know that "there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Romans 8:1) I know that God doesn't condemn me, but sometimes I condemn myself. "Oh, Hannah, you should have seen this coming. How could you be so selfish? How can you give God the glory if you're always thinking about yourself?" But Romans 8:1 says there should be "no" condemnation, either from God or myself.

I think it would be wise to define condemnation right here, to fully understand the impact of Romans 8:1. The dictionary defines condemnation as "the act of condemning," with condemning meaning "to express an unfavorable or adverse judgement on; indicate strong disapproval of; the pronounce to be guilty." Condemnation is ugly. It had to do with punishment and sin. But we have no condemnation if we are in Christ. How? That's where the next verses come in.

"Because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life had set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned the sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit." (Romans 8:2-4)

I struggle to find words to express myself here! I am free! There is no condemnation for me, not now, not ever, because Christ has taken my punishment and given me a new Spirit! Who am I to condemn myself when God had declared me righteous through His Son? That is putting myself above God. But because of His grace, I can give myself grace too, something I can struggle with.

So when God points out an area of my life that He wants to change, maybe He isn't saying: "Hannah, you have disappointed me. This sin problem you have must be taken care of. You need to work on it and fix all of your problems." Maybe He is saying: "Hannah, I love you too much for you to keep on living in the flesh. I have given you my Spirit to lead you in a better way. It will be hard to change the sinful nature in you, but I will be with you, and I will give you the strength and the grace to transform your life into something even more beautiful."

So I invite you to let go of any condemnation that you've been feeling. Because if you are in Christ, then there is not one bit of condemnation on you; Jesus had taken it all away! Stop trying to be "okay", to have it all together. Because we weren't "okay"; we were dead. And because of God's grace we are much more than "okay"; we are His. We are without blemish, holy in His sight (Colossians 1:22). So live in God's grace. Live in His freedom. Live in Him.

I know that I'm still going to struggle with self-centeredness and perfectionism. That isn't something that will disappear overnight. But I also know that I have a strong, loving God helping me every step of this journey. My hope is in Him. And He will never fail!

Hannah

Praise His Name With Dancing

I danced in my eleventh Recital last Sunday.

Every year, Recital gets more exciting, challenging, and magical. Every year I learn new things and discover a little bit more how much I love ballet. I can't describe in words how it feels to perform or the faces of joy I see on my fellow dancer's faces. I can't depict fully the feelings of anticipation and adrenaline. But I will try. Because that's what I do, I try to use these wonderful words to describe something even more wonderful. Life.

Just close your eyes, and imagine that you are a dancer on the big day, the day that you've worked hard on for months. Let's start at the beginning.

I wake up in the morning knowing that today is the day. I start it off right by reading Psalm 149, asking God to help me praise His name with dancing. Then the getting ready begins. I scurry through the house, making sure that I have everything that I might possibly need (plus a few extra bobby pins). I warm up in the dressing room, using collected music on my phone. (Imagine David Crowder for plies and Taylor Swift for degages to get an idea.) After mopping up the stage, we jumped (quite literally) into rehearsals. Pilates, make up, rehearsals, sweat, more make up, and excited talking filled the rest of the afternoon. It was one of those days which pass by so quickly yet seem so long.

Then it was time. We walk onto the stage, with the curtain closed, waiting for our music. The national anthem plays and I take deep breaths, fanning myself with my flower prop. I pray, asking God to help me to dance my best and give Him the glory.

The music starts.

The curtain opens.

It's time.

This is a picture of me preparing for my variation.

 Thoughts rush through my head. What if I mess up? I have this irrational fear that I will make a crazy mistake or fall of the floor. But once I start dancing, that fear slowly fades away, dissolving into the familiar steps. I've done this dance so many times. I can do this. God has created me with a talent for ballet, and I can trust Him and my training.

The first piece is done, and I rush to the dressing room to change for my variation. Before going on stage the second time, I pray and tell myself to have fun. And I do. I dance with joy and grace, not wanting this moment to be over. I never quite remember the applause, only the feeling of satisfaction and joy.

I do all of that again before my third and final piece. While I wait, I watch the other dancers perform. I cheer them on with pride and happiness. We smile and laugh quietly in the wings, each of us savoring this moment. I look at one of the girl's face as she watches her brother dance. She had such an expression of pride and joy that makes me smile all the more!

Before I knew it, the curtain closed for the last time. We go out and congratulate each other. I hold my flowers proudly, continuously smiling. Recital may be over, but ballet isn't over. Next year will hold another Recital and more adventures. But I will treasure the moments made today forever.

That is what Recital is like. It is grace and beauty, hard work and sore feet. It is smiles and sweat, make up and hairspray. Recital represents why we do ballet and what we hope to achieve. Recital holds a very special place in my heart, and I hope that you've smiled too after reading about my experiences this Recital. I thank God for the opportunity to dance and the talent that He has given me. I can't wait to dance for Him in an even greater way in heaven. To God be the glory!

Hannah

It's Been a While

I know, I know, I know. It's been a while. I've been busy. I've had many things going on. And when I didn't have things to do and places to go, I indulged in my lazy side (aka, Pinterest and Chuck).

So, here I am, posting for the first time in a few months.

But maybe I needed that break. Maybe now I can blog with more enthusiasm, describing life with more clarity and joy.

I'm back. I can't garrantee that I will post consistently. I can't garrentee that all of my posts will be interesting. But I will stay true to myself. I will post what's on my heart.

And it feels nice to be back.

That being said, life calls in the form of a long day of rehearsals. It's time to do the familiar ritual of bun-making, driving, dancing, and sweating. I just wanted to let you know, little blog, that I haven't forgot about you, and I can't wait to tell you what's been going on the last few months!

Hannah

I'm a Big Girl Now

I remember looking up to the Big Girls at ballet as a young girl. To me, they danced beautifully, seemed so grown up, and were very cool. I copied them and watched them, and I wanted to be able to dance like them. 

Now, an interesting turn of events has occurred. I'm now the Big Girl. I'm now the girl that the younger dancers look up to, copy, admire, and watch. I can see their bright faces looking at me. I can feel when they want to ask me questions. I can show them what it means to be a dancer. 

This is a big responsibility. 

I remember the Big Girls that I looked up to, but I also remember the Big Girls that didn't earn my respect. I want to be a good example to the younger girls at my ballet school through respecting everyone, being kind, and reaching out to everyone, big or small. 

And this isn't a chore for me. I love listening to them. I love watching their eyes grow bigger when they see me do a hard ballet step. I love answering their questions. I love teaching them to love ballet. 

Yes, I'm a Big Girl now. And I like it. 

Hannah